I enjoy reading blogs... this is not a confession, more just an admission of fact. When I read a good blog, I often find myself thinking, "hmm, I should really get online and write more." So, I make my way, via the electronic pathways of the Internet, over to my little corner of the blogging universe and I begin typing. But, before long, I find myself, growing dissatisfied with the words that are coming out on screen. I delete some, add some, rearrange some and still cannot shake the feeling that something is wrong. This is partially due to the fact that I am a perfectionist which really slows down the process, making the experience of writing a rather labourious process for me. But it is more than that, deeper than that, by the time I get a few paragraphs banged out, I begin to wonder if I even want what I am saying to be out there for everyone to read and scrutinize. It's not that I am afraid people will disagree with me or that I might upset some one, heck, I do not even know if anyone is reading what I write. Rather, I start to get the feeling in the back of my mind that I do not have the conviction to back up my words.
Yes, that is it, at the root, it is a question of personal conviction. I have many concerns and ideas floating about inside me, but many of these, dare I say most of these lack conviction. I may feel something passionately one day and want to write about it, but as my fingers punch the keys and my emotions begin to pour out, I often find that they lack conviction. In many cases they are simply knee jerk reactions to something that has come across my path in that moment. Other times I find that I may be convinced of a topic, issue, or cause, but I do not have the conviction to express myself as only to add to the already overwhelming cacophony present on the subject.
The simple solution I suppose would be not to blog. In fact, if you have happened upon this posting you are probably saying that very thing to me in in your head to me right now. However, I would like to write more, or rather, I would like to flesh out my convictions more, so as to be able to better express them, both in the written word, but also in conversation. I find that, in stark contrast to my lack of blogging, I have very little problem making my opinions known in casual conversation. But often times, upon speaking, I begin to get that same sense in the back of my mind, that perhaps I am not as convicted of my words as I should like.
So, I would like to find a middle ground, where I speak less and write more, where my words, both blogged and spoken, are rooted in personal conviction. I have a feeling that this will be easier said (blogged) then done, but it to this end that I
